Picking up where we left off… “It ain’t over till it’s over”, as Yogi Berra legendarily used to say…
Here is a 48-hour tale about the medical crisis of a friend’s mother-in-law who resides in the Independent Living section of an assisted-living facility. When you’re finished reading this harrowing tale, tell me if you still believe you’re “done” once your aging parent is housed in a residence of some sort!Read More
How are you surviving this latest holiday period – replete as it can be with re-surfaced quarrels of old as well as new sources of strife?
I was recently reminded at a networking function held in a retirement facility that families may even use their beautiful dining room to host seasonal gatherings. How helpful when aging relatives find it increasingly difficult to join the traditional Christmas table at home. I will even acknowledge it’s less likely for a small spat to erupt into a full-blown fight in such a pleasant setting.
Still, I hope you don’t imagine that just because Mom and/or Dad are housed in a care residence of some sort that this marks the end of your eldercare woes!Read More
Today is the third anniversary of my father’s Memorial Service. Wow.
Three years later, I can immediately summon who was present – and who was not. Both groupings of people seem equally important to me. Yes, there is no finer moment in life to discern who is TRULY “there” for you than navigating the transitions associated with an elder’s passing – especially that of an Un-cope-able Parent.
As I see it, there are three points of distinction and/or decision-making you will be called upon to make.Read More
Last week, children returned to classrooms everywhere – youngsters and high school aged alike. University students flooded back to their campuses; many left home for the first time in 17 or 18 years.
Though the summer period offered a refreshing respite from school buses and traffic (LOL), it’s now oddly welcoming to see them trotting back and forth out my window morning and afternoon. I suspect this is due to how embedded “back-to-school” is within North American and other cultures.
That got me thinking… How can we harness this reinvigorated post-vacation energy to “sharpen the pencil” on our eldercare interactions? Here are three considerations.Read More
Having seen my Dad through escalating crises, hospitalization and his passing three summers ago, surely you’d expect me to have long ago entered Bridges’ New Beginnings phase of the Transitions Model. Sorry to say, but the answer remained a definitive NO until 2015.
Our key point here is that just because you’ve gone through Endings and the Neutral Zone does not automatically mean you’re now in New Beginnings. Everyone has their own pace.Read More
I would well understand if you imagined my father’s passing on August 26, 2012 also marked the completion of my own transitions process. Unfortunately, the answer is by no means.
For certain, the desire to rush through the next phase in William Bridges’ Transitions Model is typically North American. In our fervent (almost hyper) quest to get on with it, we want nothing more than to avoid the “squishiness” of the Neutral Zone.
Yet, as poet Robert Frost famously remarked: “The best way out is through”. Nowhere is his sentiment more pertinent than the navigation of the uncomfortable middle ground of eldercare.Read More
Picking up where we left off, today’s post will deal with the Endings phase of the three-part Transitions Model as introduced by author and consultant William Bridges.
For Bridges, Endings are akin to the grieving process as brought to us by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. A pioneer in near-death studies and ground-breaking author of On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief: 1) Denial; 2) Anger; 3) Bargaining; 4) Depression; and 5) Acceptance.
In our eldercare setting, let’s examineRead More
As I prepare my next set of blogs, it’s hard to imagine we stand at three years since pivotal summer 2012.
On July 23rd that year, my father was suddenly hospitalized. On August 26th, he passed away a mere five weeks later.
In some ways, the intervening 36 months feel like a nanosecond ago. In others, they feel like another century. Given the number of Sandwich Generation caregivers I’ve spoken with between and since, it seems fitting to share myRead More
Having just passed Father’s Day, I had recent occasion to pull out Ken Gallinger’s “Ethically Speaking” advice column from the Toronto Star newspaper of Saturday, May 24, 2014. The title is: No ‘obligation’ to donate kidney to ailing dad.
In essence, the children of an 83-year-old father with kidney disease who must undergo dialysis are inquiring whether they have a moral obligation toRead More
There’s just something about fathers and daughters, as there often is between mothers and sons. While the mother-daughter relationship can be estranged, the father-son connection can be equally strained. I have friends in my circles who know all these combinations very well.
Across the 54 years I had my Dad, our bond wasn’t without its ups and downs. In fact, there were whole stretches of years where I secretlyRead More
