How are you surviving this latest holiday period – replete as it can be with re-surfaced quarrels of old as well as new sources of strife?
I was recently reminded at a networking function held in a retirement facility that families may even use their beautiful dining room to host seasonal gatherings. How helpful when aging relatives find it increasingly difficult to join the traditional Christmas table at home. I will even acknowledge it’s less likely for a small spat to erupt into a full-blown fight in such a pleasant setting.
Still, I hope you don’t imagine that just because Mom and/or Dad are housed in a care residence of some sort that this marks the end of your eldercare woes!
Delusion
Apparently, many of you do! I’ve long ago lost track of the public who pass my table at expos or who otherwise learn of my caregiver coaching services only to blithely remark: “Oh, my folks are now looked after in a retirement residence, so I don’t ever have to worry about them again.” Believe me I “get” it if you’re the adult child of an Un-cope-able Parent! I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re living in a fantasy world if you actually believe this illusion.
Denial
It’s perfectly understandable that you’re completely beleaguered from the intense uphill struggle it was to get them housed. You want nothing more than to wash your hands of the sordid mess! You have my heartfelt empathy. I know what a battle royal it was to get the pair to entertain the idea, never mind “install” them. There were a million and one steps involved. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you’re in denial about being “done”.
Misperception
Though it’s a little hard to picture, perhaps the facility didn’t fully explain what they’re responsible for versus what tasks are yours to own. A more likely explanation is that the administrators reviewed this content – especially for the gray area called “Independent Living” – but you were so exhausted you couldn’t take it all in at once. As a result, you’ve developed some inaccurate ideas about being “off the hook” now. Not so fast, unfortunately!
Cautionary Tales to Learn From
To aid your understanding of what’s true and false regarding your folks being “taken care of” outside the home in which you may have grown up, this is the first in a series.
As we go along, you’ll be illuminated about what really goes on. Each story is pulled from my experiences with friends plus colleagues. You’ll come to accurately realize why you need my eldercare coaching no matter what stage you’re at in this grueling marathon.
Of course, you can start right away! Let’s have a Readiness Session so you can receive immediate support. You can book at www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com. If you prefer, you can give me a call at (905) 822-2503 or email at support@carolannhamilton.com
Carol-Ann Hamilton
Latest posts by Carol-Ann Hamilton (see all)
- Once Housed, We’re Good - January 21, 2021
- “Do Not Pry Into My Business!” - August 9, 2020
- “I Can Hack It When the Time Comes” - August 1, 2020
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