Having seen my Dad through escalating crises, hospitalization and his passing three summers ago, surely you’d expect me to have long ago entered Bridges’ New Beginnings phase of the Transitions Model. Sorry to say, but the answer remained a definitive NO until 2015.
Our key point here is that just because you’ve gone through Endings and the Neutral Zone does not automatically mean you’re now in New Beginnings. Everyone has their own pace.
Caregiver New Beginnings
In my case, I wasn’t surprised the balance of summer 2012 was consumed in cleaning up my father’s “hoarders on steroids” home to ready it for sale. The 1963 house in which I grew up (with all its mixed memories) only closed on April 18, 2013. I felt I had to keep my life on “hold” until at least then, attending to the multiple chores of managing (paying for) two “households” during that period. Only during brief glimpses did any New Beginnings shine through.
Parental New Beginnings
Conversely, I suspect my Dad’s New Beginning started quite immediately. Due to my intuitive healing gifts, I could feel my father “crossed over” into his next world very well. His soul was ready to go even if his personality wished to remain stubbornly entrenched on planet Earth. I don’t think he believed me energetically at the time. I now do. We regularly connect when he enters my home office for “visits”. I sense his presence, astounding as that may seem.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself
Here’s what I know for sure – like Oprah! When you have Un-cope-able Parents, part of you wants to pull out your hair by the roots. Another part longs to see the best done for them. With these questions, I appeal to your Higher Self. What is the best possible outcome you seek for your folks? What actions can you take to bring it about? What is your version of success in your eldercare situation?
My Story Continued
When I buried my father’s ashes on September 22, 2012, I was virtually “complete”. I live in continued peace that I duly respected his 89-year life.
Those gathered for his service shared that I offered honor toward Bill’s many contributions. Our minister observed that I conducted his eulogy (accompanied by meaningful mementos) almost like the classroom in which he spent so much of his teaching life. Then, it was quite inadvertent. In retrospect, I recognize the celebration was deliberate.
In the moment, I squarely believed 2014 would mark my return to sanity. Far from it!!! My process took the balance of last year to resolve itself. This brings me back to the point that each of us has our own timing. True New Beginnings (denoting genuine Acceptance and moving forward) reveal themselves precisely – and only – when we and “they” are actually ready.
To learn more about my experiences, check out www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com. To access my coaching skills to help you cope with your own Transitions, all it takes is a phone call at (905) 822-2503 or email at support@carolannhamilton.com
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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