Now that we have reached the ninth of “Carol-Ann’s Top 10 Caregiver Lessons”, may I further support you in re-framing your mindset? You were not ‘supposed’ to learn anything. Self-judgment never has a place and certainly not during slogging eldercare.
It’s OK to Feel Your Feelings!
The word, supposed, is almost always suggestive of an internally critical mindset. Substitute harsh synonyms like ‘should’ and ‘must’. These are not useful injunctions when it comes to coping with Un-cope-able Parents. In fact, it is vital that you permit yourself to experience your legitimate annoyed feelings what with the regular drama and trauma you face. That includes particularly the socially unpopular ones like frustration, resentment and anger.
It’s OK to Express Your Feelings!
Not only is it alright to feel your feelings, it’s essential that you let them out in a productive fashion. At the height of my eldercare craziness, I long ago lost track of the caring friends with whom I reached out to vent the intense stress (i.e., escalating calls at all hours of the day and night, mounting crises, growing health and other problems of my own to deal with). Those folks constituted safety valves, survival mechanisms and saviors all rolled into one.
It’s OK to Feel Relief Over Your Parents’ Passing!
Did I just say that out loud? YES!! No more increasing belligerence as my father’s physical strength and capability to handle daily tasks exponentially diminished. No more the helplessness caused by his outright refusal toward either in-home services or moving into an assisted-care facility. No more the horror of seeing this once-strong man slide into a vegetative state while feeling forced to stand bravely at his hospital bed. Are those enough reasons?
By now, I hope you feel well-endorsed over not having to learn a darn thing as a result of your caregiving adventures, shall we say. On the other hand, I will always say that we choose our parents. I know this stance is highly objectionable to many. Though, even some of my most injured radio guests on The Conscious Caregiver at https://www.boldbravemedia.com agree. Either way is OK.
Until next time, the resource I will suggest to let off some of your own steam is called The Pissed-Off Journal at https://www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com
Consisting of my three steps to Record, Release and Re-focus negative daily events like eldercare, I look forward to receiving your order so we can do a 1:1 coaching session that teaches you how to use this powerful tool.
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