Incredibly, we have just passed the ninth anniversary of my mother’s passing at age 89 on April 17th. In this Part 1 of an authentic journey that resulted in peaceful resolution of a complex and layered relationship, we trace benchmark moments that bring us forward into 2019.
Back to 2010
Sunday, February 7th was a milestone. For the first time ever, my father outright admitted he was not managing anymore Mommy’s multiple physical ailments like bladder infections, arthritis, glaucoma, etc. From paranoid schizophrenia ‘cured’ by electro-shock therapy in 1984, she’d escalated her passive-aggressive demands. Oh, oh. Her surrogate spouse and counselor for decades, all I knew was, things were about to get exponentially worse. And they did.
Heading into 2013
By that April (again that month), I was locking doors to the parental home for the last time in almost 50 years. My formerly-alcoholic Dad had passed away in August 2012. Ultra-stressfully, I had to ready their 1963 house for sale within mere months during a steamy non-air-conditioned summer. It remains miraculous that I possessed the wherewithal to make lightning-swift decisions on what to keep versus discard from their hoarders detritus.
Coming to 2018
Fast forward to my accomplishing the monumental feat of bringing 34 years of my household accumulation combined with 50 of theirs into one skinny location. As the last boxes were integrated, I realized the utter joy of what also brought my mother pleasure. How carefully she had packed away her scant treasures brought to Canada from war-torn Germany along with décor and china purchased at her hand during a very-checkered marriage to my difficult father.
Arriving at 2019
As recently as my April 17th radio show at www.boldbravemedia.com/shows/the-conscious-caregiver, I was able to legitimately declare my completion with the woman who had given me life.
Please stay tuned for the necessary stages I passed through. Those without such experience need not apply. Those who recognize such a reality may wish to acquire my books, Coping with Un-cope-able Parents: LOVING ACTION for Eldercare and Coping with Un-cope-able Systems: ADVOCACY for Eldercare at https://www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com/shop
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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