Were you offended – or even shocked – by admissions about my parental feelings last time? Sorry, but good!
For, if no one challenges you, I’m concerned your legitimately-indignant sentiments will have nowhere productive to “go”. Instead, they’ll get buried underground. As in denial and silencing to speak your complete truth…
This is unhealthy for everyone. Squashed emotions emerge indirectly, at inopportune moments. Just when you need to maintain your cool, the outrageous pair will say or do something that creates big-time triggers. Your stuffed thoughts will blast forth, disproportionate to the situation at hand.
Un-cope-able Parents love to glom onto your “unreasonableness” to deflect focus away from their immaturity. Don’t let them!
Another step on the journey…
Remember, we’re talking belligerent seniors here, not docile and obedient! Worry not! No wrathful god-force lurking in night’s darkness will strike you dead for holding less than idealistic impressions of your aging duo!
At the same time, I’m happy to report my own shift from slavish servitude to adult service (Victimhood to Victory) as long-drawn-out caregiving eventually reached its Finish Line.
By NO means did this happen overnight.
Rather, it took two to three years of intense inner work to alter my fundamental perspective from loathing toward greater compassion.
• I now believe we “choose” our parents to learn lessons that eventually develop and strengthen us as human beings.
• I’ve healed a significant part of my past and arrived at “completion” regarding the harrowing maternal and paternal saga which marked 2010 to 2012.
• Unconvinced I’ll ever consider elbow-high extreme-cleaning grime an “honor”, I am proud to have seen through their transitions with dignity and diligence.
What does QTIP stand for?
Get set! Quit Taking It Personally!
Your folks’ naughty behaviors aren’t necessarily about you.
What if they’re essentially afraid of dying underneath all the drama? The unknown beckons. They resist the vulnerability. Allow them to drone on about glory days and other annoying behaviors. They may find it’s their only remaining satisfaction.
My parting inquiries…
While giving birth alone unequivocally does not accord obdurate seniors the right to verbally attack their adult children (been there, done it), I wonder if being presented with the notion of QTIP helps reframe your attitudes even a bit?
Please join me next time when we distinguish between helpful and useless advice regarding your un-cope-able reality.