OK, I admit it. Even I didn’t have the guts to take on sacred Mother’s Day or celebratory Father’s Day when they were upon us a while ago. It seems the hue and outcry too quickly becomes enraged if you don’t worship Mom or respect Dad.
For those who genuinely do, consider yourself lucky. You’re in the minority amongst my circles. My heart personally goes out to those whose parental relationship is at best checkered.
Please understand, this midway point through the school holiday season is guaranteed to raise all manner of feelings about those who birthed and/or raised you as more time is possibly spent together during July and August. Throughout the year, you might stuff down those smoking emotions. Now, more days and hours in one another’s presence risk to easily fan simmering flames into a full-out explosion.
In this first of a couple of summery posts, I invite you to reflect upon some very thought-provoking questions. These foundational points get at what’s really going on beneath the surface. To serve the action-oriented folks, stay tuned for practical strategies to survive the summer season with aging parents and other family members!
What Didn’t You Get That You Needed?
As the daughter of Un-cope-able Parents, I place a million-dollar wager upon your answer. It is parenting according to YOUR needs – not what they believed was right. Now, before the generations gang up on me, I realize an unfair burden is placed upon the woman. Like it or not, she carried the infant and this first ‘bond’ hugely influences how the boy or girl turns out. On the other hand, I know many men and women whose fathers wreaked far greater damage than Mom.
What Did You Get That Was Unwelcome?
I take another ‘wild’ guess. You received inappropriate legacies like: being a surrogate spouse; being prevented from establishing a healthy connection with the same-sex parent because they were jealous of you; physical or other abuse. In my case, the wounds occurred through hours of ‘counselling’ sessions at the tender age of 13 striving to persuade a paranoid schizophrenic mother that the neighbors’ garbage cans weren’t talking to her. Are you getting my drift?
How Can You Now Parent Yourself?
Like you, I have studied TONS about healing your Inner Child and transmuting family-of-origin wounds. Those studies have consisted of therapy, workshops, books and more. All advanced my insights but none permanently ‘cured’ me. I’m not sure anything fully does.
As such, I’ve come to grips with the notion that each of us takes up a Soul Contract with our original parents designed to teach lessons we’re meant to experience in this lifetime. I accept that I ‘chose’ my parents. Many a friend has disagreed with this objectionable statement only to wind up concurring. Believe me. I get it.
If you’re open, I can show you how I shifted from bitter resentment toward especially my mother to gracious integrity when I delivered her eulogy. To find out more, I urge you to book a Confidential Readiness Session at https://www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com/coaching/