How true is Mohammed Ali’s statement: “It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out, it’s the pebble in your shoe.”
Don’t I know it! Man, give me a huge crisis, and I can move through it with ease plus grace. Hand me more than one major emergency at a time (though I do NOT welcome it!) and I can cope.
But put too many (small) trials and tribulations on my plate in a row regarding eldercare and I just lose it. What is that??
Once more, I believe by returning to the world of coaching, we will discover our answer.
There, we talk about adopting a “charge-neutral” stance – particularly in the face of challenging people and situations. By this term, we mean you maintain a level of detachment, as opposed to getting all worked-up with strong opinions and emotions one way or the other. You remain peaceful.
As it regards your Un-cope-able Parents, I can hardly imagine a more CHARGED topic on Earth than those two! Good grief!!
Can’t the mere mention of their names send you into a flood of judgments and memories related to when they’ve been great, good, bad, ugly and indifferent? All these labels we impose upon them…
Have no opinions.
Eye-ball rolling at the mere thought of the pair would be a thing of the past. Depletion of your energy reserves along with hair-pulling would be over. Grinding your teeth to their roots would be done because you would no longer be clamping down on what you reallywant to say.
Instead, you’d find ways to locate yourself in their Essence – truly looking out on the world through their eyes.
Fundamentally, you’d engage in all family dialogues with no opinions about what your parents should be (or have been), what they should do or how their situation should be resolved. That’s correct. I said zero opinions.
A challenging inquiry…
Sure, your parents’ cooperation would be lovely, but you don’t absolutely need it to experience a given emotional state (including sanity). Can you accept that there are joys to embrace, despite their pig-headed behaviors and mindsets?
I’m aware! This viewpoint can be incredibly hard to adopt. Because, we typically come from a place of just wishing others would do what we want.
Nonetheless, I invite you to consider what it would feel like to welcome this new belief system.