For many, Mother’s Day weekend in North America can be a very mixed occasion. After all, how does a son or daughter cope with their negative reality while surrounded by societal strictures in the form of bombarding restaurant ads, mushy greeting cards and lavish florists?
Grandma
In my case, I turn first to my paternal grandmother. As an only child, I am so glad to have a cousin 15 years older who equally remembers regular visits to her house. Though of almost separate generations, we each learned the same ‘routine’ early on. She nudges you to the kitchen. You know a Jersey Milk chocolate bar is waiting. LOL. I love being the last grandchild sitting on her knee watching The Lawrence Welk Show on Saturday nights!
Oma (Grandmother)
Only in the past couple of years did I come to ‘know’ my maternal grandmother in a very-different way. When we visited with her and Opa (Grandfather) in Germany in 1960 (aged two), she seemed remote. I took her distance as a personal rejection. Wrong! She was still pining the loss of my uncle seven years before WWII ended. Since, I’ve created an Other-World connection with my mother’s parents; we ‘converse’ via regular energetic visits to this day.
The Aunts
For decades, my Auntie Irma and Tante (Aunt) Gerda were my desperately-sought surrogate mothers. Irma allowed me to gobble bacon in my high chair despite earnest commands not to. Who doesn’t enjoy such ‘naughtiness’? Whenever Gerda visited our home for about a month at a stretch, what an oasis! Then there was Auntie Ruth in New York. Picture Rosalind Russell in Auntie Mame making blender drinks and you’ve got it. I’m roaring with laughter!
Find Your Role Models
So, what’s my point? Even if the woman to whom you arrived in this lifetime is not or was not ‘present’ (defined in more ways than one), can you locate others who were – biologically or through marriage?
I now count Magda, Marthe, Irma, Gerda and Ruth as a passed-away circle supporting me in ways Anneliese is recognized by all as not being able to. Much as I ascribe to the notion that we ‘choose’ our parents, you need not. Either way, I am good.
P.S. Do check out recent editions of “The Conscious Caregiver” radio on www.boldbravemedia.com/shows/the-conscious-caregiver. I recently hosted a guest who healed much of her maternal relationship after decades. In a few weeks, I will connect with an author who willingly saw her Mom through ovarian cancer.
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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- Recognizing Paternal Role Models - June 11, 2019
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