You know what? You are right. It’s not THAT bad. Right now. I have since lost track of the number of blissful adult children who post all over social media how active are their parents. Good for them! However, what happens when they’re not?? THAT is my question.
In this next installment of “Carol-Ann’s Top 10 Caregiver Peeves”, I tackle the outright DENIAL that accompanies an especially dangerous false belief. It is this. Vitality will be the forever state of aging relatives. Really??? We need to remove that crazy mindset! Sorry. Not.
It is truly nice that you can relish your folks into their 70’s, 80’s or even 90’s. I would hope they can maintain a level of physical, mental and emotional health into those years. Given the many allopathic and alternative modalities available, there is (theoretically) no reason they shouldn’t maintain a vigorous life span until the ‘end’. On the other hand, what if buried in their sub-conscious is a memory of (their) Dad or Mom passing in a dungeon-like nursing home?
It Won’t Last Forever
Have you ever considered that possibility? This did not happen with my mother because my aunt took in their parents to live with her family until death. Let’s give that woman a huge round of applause! Not so with my paternal grandmother… She indeed lingered in a terrible environment peopled with sleeping aged abandoned in corridors – reduced to wheelchairs after active lives of contribution. I reserve future commentary about pathetic long-term care.
Get Ready NOW
Either way, this tragic image was seared into my father’s consciousness when he rarely set aside his narcissism to visit the woman who literally did everything for him until my mother took over. Thus, you can imagine the legacy-mindset I inherited about adamantly refusing to be extricated from my childhood home. Never mind when I gently suggested that he might ‘like’ to entertain minimal in-home care. I now have 20-20 hindsight about the dynamics.
Next Time Around
And that’s why I’m naming your reluctance to burst the perfect parental bubble this second of “Carol-Ann’s Top 10 Peeves”.
Next time, our theme is called: It’s Surely Not THAT Urgent. Again, this is true right now. However, do you truly welcome CRISIS? That’s what you’re buying when you avoid critical realities today.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have acted a whole lot sooner on legal and financial paperwork. You can read all about it in Coping with Un-cope-able Systems: ADVOCACY for Eldercare at https://www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com/shop/