For certain, anyone with Un-cope-able Parents knows those two seem to possess infinite power to reduce their adult children into quivering “tots” within nanoseconds. That is, unless you carry proper protection. And, we don’t mean condoms!
Know what I mean? I refer to the tender boy or girl inside who (even sub-consciously) believes he or she lacks the capability to stand up to their indignant outbursts.
Perhaps your friends, spouse or other relatives have offered feedback on this subject. Mine have.
Well before the outrageous elder episodes, it was like I temporarily regressed to Tiny Carol-Ann on parental visits. This was despite being a successful business woman in my own right by then.
Take yourself through some process coaching.
Time for a perspective shift!
This next advice comes straight from my studies through The Coaches Training Institute (CTI). CTI’s term, process coaching, refers to taking clients through a brainstorm of potential viewpoints on a given topic.
Its purpose is to demonstrate there’s always more than one way to hold a situation – positive, negative, neutral or otherwise. Process coaching broadens outlook.
If we then transfer this same technique to the unruly aged, I’m going to assume you ultimately wish to select LOVING Attitudes. You prefer to be a son or daughter who took the High Road by exemplifying worthy ideals during your parents’ pending transitions.
If you could take a peek into my journals…
You achieve that outcome by listing ALL the possible attitudes, beliefs and mindsets youcould adopt toward your aged.
Hold nothing back! Record the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent. Whatever you want goes!
As with corporate brainstorming, you “should” keep at it until “exhaustion” of ideas sets in. You may even want to carry out this exercise across more than one sitting.
I can say I found it helpful to be comprehensive. Trust it! My journal jots were not pretty at first. Yours don’t need to be, either.
It’s your turn…
As you try it out for yourself, your eventual goal is to choose from your lists terms that honor your folks. That’s why it’s so critical to initially spew your venom onto paper. Get it out.
By so doing, you’ll sidestep drawing rigid lines in the sand. Stay open to the possibility that there exist many potential perspectives on your seniors.
As Leo Tolstoy writes, “Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself.”
Carol-Ann Hamilton
Latest posts by Carol-Ann Hamilton (see all)
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