Anyone who has done a measure of personal growth work knows it is a process and NOT an immediate outcome to arrive at healing sentiments toward a parent with whom you have a checkered history. Such is the case with my mother. Let’s resume where we left off last time following her passing while encapsulating what I have learned along the way.
What I Could Acknowledge
After her passing on April 17, 2010, it was time for Mommy’s Memorial Service on April 24th. My Dad sat expectantly in the front pew of the funeral home chapel. A meager grouping of teaching colleagues to their former Principal surrounded our small family circle. If truth be told, narcissistic Daddy was more enamored by regaling the ‘team’ with his former glory-stories than honoring a wife of over 50 years. Meanwhile, I was deciding how to honor her authentically.
What I Chose Not to Express
Remarkably, a coined-term channeled into me. “Gracious Integrity”. Wow! What a wonderful way to express my truth while balancing genuine sources of gratitude. For instance, both parents were thrilled when I was born. Though over-protective (smothering), she devoted herself to my upbringing. We regularly did really cool arts and crafts together. Mommy even allowed her favorite kitchen pot to get stunk up weekly by butchered liver for my cat, Muschi.
What I Now See
Bottom-line, I refused to state that she was a great mother. I still do nine years later. She was not. What I will say is, she did her best. I used to treat that as SUCH a trite term. It’s not entirely – even if you are the product of Un-cope-able Parents. Rather, it acknowledges that they believe they were doing their best – much as that was not your definition! What you can empower yourself with is: How do I honor what was and is true for ME?
All Is Reconciled
Nowadays, I can honestly take a 25,000-foot helicopter ride above my growing-up world with a rather toxic maternal (and paternal) connection and see this…
Like thousands of war-torn European immigrants to Canada in the 1950’s, Anneliese arrived on Toronto’s shores with little more than the clothes on her back. Such courage and pioneering pluck draw my HUGE admiration. Millions have lived their own versions.
When one resides in a peaceful city-of-birth, the horrors of landed patriots can easily get taken for granted. No longer. To learn how you can heal your familial history, please reach out to carolann@carolannhamilton.com. I am HERE for you.
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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