Was this difficult on some level, because you continue to refuse that you could’ve possibly chosen that pair! Or, did you locate some ease and grace in adopting a less attached opinion?
Either way, I don’t mind admitting mine was a bitter struggle within for a long period until I arrived at a different perspective.
Your recalcitrant parents provide “contrast”.
One thing that really helped was the writings of Jerry and Esther Hicks in their fabulous Vortex-series of books.
They would say my parents served as a mirror, reflecting back behaviors and attitudes we find objectionable in others. Without such contrast, we wouldn’t know ourselves.
I’ve indeed found this true. Through my folks’ often-ungracious and mostly-unconscious demeanor, they indirectly embedded in me a fundamental commitment toward nobility of carriage plus deep self-awareness.
While honoring their goodness, their actions simultaneously let me decide what’s right by me. In my case, it was the opposite.
Loving detachment adds insight.
If we further re-consult Martha Beck’s breakthrough article, loving detachment would give rise to acceptance of what are called “soul contracts”.
From that vantage point, I “see” several revealing things.
One, it’s clear my mother and father had somehow “agreed” she’d stay in their home until her last breath. They shared high needs for familiarity and security – likely borne of their Depression-era upbringings.
Two, my shrewd intuitive powers somehow tell me their compact included living until 90. My mother made it to her 90th year, which was barely good enough. My father held on during his 90th year, but passed away about six weeks short of his October 7th milestone birthday. I’m sure you know of many an enduring marriage where one partner passed within a short period of the other – no matter how strife-ridden the decades.
It depends on how you look at it.
In summary, strangers looking in on my Mom’s final days would’ve likely seen a chaotic zoo.
Still, it’s equally possible from a 30,000 foot view to come up with an entirely different interpretation. Beneath choppy seas lie still waters.
If all else fails, have you ever tried the pose of an Alien visiting our solar system? I’m sure they would simply ‘smile’ in recognition of how curiousthese Earthlings appear to be.