In your current eldercare burden, frustration, rage or beyond – pick wherever you situate – you may not recognize it.
Beneath the surface turmoil – the anguish – the resentment – tell me you don’t:
- Wish for the tranquility of having done everything possible to ease your folks’ “final” days;
- Yearn for hope that thereis a way to successfully navigate your parental relationship even if infinitely impossible;
- Reach for the possibilityof bringing forth your Best & Highest Self to support completion of their transitions.
Absolutely! First things first, though. I invite your total liberty to experience especiallyso-called negative feelings.
Yes, you have full permission to feel your real feelings.
Did you just read right??? Yes!!!
If no one else does, I urge you toallow “in” all emotionsconcerning your Un-cope-ableParents. It’s vital to your ultimate healing process.
Unimaginably, there exist holier-than-thou individuals who would harshly judge you for not housing your relatives should they become incapacitated! It’s the only option they entertain. Over your dead body!
These sanctimonious types express “privilege” in mopping vomit or emptying a colostomy bag. They dare to deride (female) caregivers as, “worn-out women barely getting by, isolated, angry and tired. One notch up from crazy cat lady, she’s somebody nobody wants to be.” I quote graphic but real statements.
Hello… Have we just entered some weird alternative reality? Last time I checked, neither of us has turned into kooky eccentrics that people seek to avoid!
Please don’t become a statistic.
You’re not a “bad” son or daughter – merely overwhelmed! Forget ill-informed condemnation by those who don’t “get it”!!
Count you amongst those 70 per cent of (mostly) women who justifiably consider tending to head-strong parents stressful and who are worried the pressure might do you in.
May you NEVER find yourself amongst those experiencing such high tension that you form part of the 63 percent higher mortality rate evidenced by caregivers than non-caregivers of the same age.
You fundamentally recognize, whether in their presence or merely directing psychic attention their way, your recalcitrant aged risk at any moment to siphon off your last vestiges of physical, emotional and mental stamina.
Try walking a mile in your shoes! It’s enough to make anyone crack!
My parting inquiries…
How can you take care of YOURSELF today? What is one kind thing you can do forYOU?
Stay tuned for some further ideas.
Carol-Ann Hamilton
Latest posts by Carol-Ann Hamilton (see all)
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- How Difficult Can “The Talk” Be? - June 20, 2020
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