Can you even imagine we’re at the tenth of “Carol-Ann’s Top 10 Caregiver Lessons”? Last time, we reinforced how it is OK to feel and express all your feelings regarding a difficult aging parent. That includes the typically unpopular ones like frustration, resentment and anger. What is possibly left to tackle? How about the way you feel on the heels of their passing?
Recovery Is a Piecemeal Process
Everyone seems to believe that once your relative is buried, it’s over. Not! Certainly, by the time you put up their house for sale that should be the beginning of the end. Not! Once you come to the last day of the year in which your mother or father died, that should be a real marker of completion. Not! There is NO one magical end point to the trauma on the heels of coping with an Un-cope-able Parent, much as judgmental others would have it so.
“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”
How simplistic is society. Disbelieving, the ubiquitous ‘they’ cannot imagine what’s taking you so long. Get on with it, man (or woman). What’s your problem? ‘They’ accord you a very brief mourning period in keeping with limiting belief systems. After that, you should be perfectly alright – no matter how racking has been your reality. I’m here to say, grieving, coming-to-terms and completion are so individualistic as to defy time-based categorization.
Expect ‘Anniversary Reactions’.
If anything, what we ought to brace for is a range of emotions. I have only to think back to my therapy days over 30 years ago. I love that one of Jack’s main themes was to prepare for all manner of feelings on significant occasions – dramatic and otherwise. The scenario might be positive or negative. It doesn’t matter. In my case, as we inched toward the first anniversary of my father’s passing, I can certainly attest to experiencing that mixture. It is perfectly natural.
Next time, I plan to summarize the themes of “Carol-Ann’s Top 10 Caregiver Lessons”.
Thus, there is no other ‘homework’ (LOL) than to go to my blogs before next week to look up what’s there – if you even choose to get a leg-up on what’s coming next 😊 Should you elect to do so, access https://www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com/blog
Holidays while caring for aging parents and major family gatherings after they’ve died are also times to expect unexpected emotions.