Remember the Baby Boomer couple with three simultaneous difficult aging parent situations? If the second father were still alive, they’d probably be dealing with him, too.
Well, there’s more! What did I tell you? It’s always something when you’re running the ceaseless eldercare marathon.
Meltdown Time
On the heels of her appendicitis surgery, mother had a meltdown at father because of waffles. Really? Yup! Then she attacked my friend verbally while trying to help in the kitchen. Mother huffed off to bed. She’s not sleeping well and probably feeling tired – kind of like an over-wrought toddler. We all suspect what’s actually going on beneath the surface. Mom is terrified about a suspicious X-ray spot on her kidney but can’t admit it. So, her fear comes out sideways.
Endless Chores
Father and daughter let her rest while doing major grocery shopping and vegetable chopping. This, in preparation for massive cooking the next day. This, on top of daughter treating Dad’s gout-laden toe with his feet up – finally! Father does not easily “surrender” from the constant doing-doing-doing. There remains a daunting amount of gardening front and back between all the meal preparation, continued medical appointments and care-giving. Guess who does it.
Walking the Corridors
Meanwhile, back at the assisted living facility… Her partner walks his mother up and down the corridors to regain muscle strength throughout a long-holiday weekend… Only a skeleton staff is on duty. While Mom has resumed breakfast and lunch in the dining room, I hope you don’t believe anyone but her son is responsible for making sure she actually consumes dinner in her room. Yes, the food is delivered, but that’s about it.
Here’s What I Said
During our ongoing email exchange across almost three weeks, I at one point wrote: “Thank you for updating me on events in the parental household. As you know, I ‘get it’. I suspect you are completely correct. Your Mom is secretly terrified and her fear is coming out in odd ways over waffles…”
I added: “I know you to be a gentle soul, at heart. Yes, you possess a great many protective energetic devices. However, even for a gifted healer like you, it is VERY hard to be around such recalcitrant behaviors. In many ways, my father was a very angry man. When drinking, his emotions were especially unpleasant. I’m used to being around yelling and aggression. You’re not. I shall send you some extra blessings and kindness overnight.”
My friend replied: “Thank you for this lovely heartfelt response. Means so much.”
To experience empathy plus practicality from someone who has truly “been there, done it” with Impossible Elders, please give yourself the gift of accessing my down-to-earth coaching solutions – starting today – at www.copingwithuncopeableparents.com or (905) 822-2503.
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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