Whether you did or didn’t, I’m here with some unfortunate news… Oh great, you’re muttering. Isn’t there already enough to contend with regarding the impossible duo?
I know! Yet, no matter how abhorrent it feels to intervene in the best interests of one or both parents, I’m here to say you’ll regrettably need to. In a way, we’re back to Advocate but adding to the mix the next aspect of ACTION – namely, Initiate.
Do I really need to get involved?
For, if you’re awaiting an explicit invitation to rescue them, you’re going to linger forever. Unluckily, it’s your lot to dredge up every remaining shred of courage and perseverance to go back in there one last time to “Git ‘er done”.
You have my 100% empathy. In my own case, both parents had so worn me out by my mid-20’s, I hoped beyond all hope that might be it for the balance of my life and theirs. Like maybe, by some miracle of miracles, they’d comport their elder years with dignity.
What galaxy was I part of?? They’d rarely been composed of that fabric in their young years. Why would it change all of a sudden as they grew old? If anything, worse!
Of course, my allusions to finality are loosely-based. In that, we all know this is going to be a (long) series of interventions. Don’t we?
By definition, Un-cope-able Parents can’t be handled in one sitting. If you genuinely believed this, I’m sorry to burst your bubble.
Un-cope-able Parents will fight you every step of the way! If you’re the least bit wishy-washy, you’re doomed.
Let’s be honest.
Borrowing from my infinite arsenal of personal elder stories, do you have any concept of how often I tried to contribute in their household during the phase when my mother’s hips… cataracts… bladder… arthritis…and…and…and… made it increasingly impossible to sustain her house-slave duties?
Do you have any theories as to the response I got? You’re correct! I was rebuffed by my father at every turn.
Ironically, on those occasions I put my foot down, he was pleased as punch over leaving in my wake a freshly-cleaned household from top to bottom. Go figure.
For these reasons, I would like to leave you with this sentiment to ponder: “Vow that you will never again please anyone so that he or she will be pleased with you. Succeed in this and you will hear another chain drop.” (Vernon Howard)