Re-reading that extensive laundry list of A to Z strategies proven not to work with the obstinate aged boggles my mind. Good Heavens! Was I once naïve enough to believe that begging, manipulating, overriding, quarreling and other tactics would succeed?
On the other hand, discerning what “it” isnot can be a very legitimate means to uncover what the solution is.
My life coaching clients “back into” their answers regularly, as they explore and ignite into their life purpose. Why not with eldercare, also?
During a corporate training program I facilitate, we talk about how, when learning to release unassertiveness, people frequently go from mealy-mouthed to aggressive. They bypass the preferred attitudes and actions of assertiveness altogether. This pattern is predictable.
Through extensive personal experience, I’ve located a parallel with non-compliant parents. Namely, it’s quite possible to go from passive hands-off mindsets to aggressive overly-controlling methods – missing a whole range of more suitable choices along the way.
So, what does work??
Alright then, what do I suggest? If you’ve already tried everything and it hasn’t worked, what’s left? I hear you!
Want the answer? Apply LOVING ACTION.
“You can’t possibly be serious”’, you’re thinking. After all the research and clinical evidence and documentation…and…and…and… “That’s the best you can offer me, Carol-Ann?”
I’m afraid so.
At the same time, isn’t it rather a relief to “only” keep in mind this simple acronym? At least these 12 Keys to Coping will be quickly recalled when you need to trot them out.
Now, listen to me right. I’m not saying they’re a cinch to implement. Why? Because you have Un-cope-able Parents!
What does LOVING stand for?
Here you go!
L = Laughter
O = Openness
V = Vibration
I = Intention
N = Neutrality
G = Grace
As we go along, we’ll focus upon each state-of-being in detail. In so doing, I’ll be drawing from my own 100% true illustrations, unfathomable as some of them may sound. It’s the same with friends’ and colleagues’ examples.
My uplifting thought…
Even though an only child (which can magnify the burden upon one set of shoulders), I know my advice for you who have siblings is yet spot-on.
Too many with brothers and sisters have relayed an archetype whereby the care-giving weight leans on one person – for reasons of geography, abdication or others.
You’re not alone anymore! I’m with you every step of the way.
Carol-Ann Hamilton
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